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Hi and welcome back to Coffee with Clare everything Thursday!  I am delighted that you are here!

Dear Clare: 

I have recently gotten divorced after being married for over 26 years.  Our children are ages 22 and 24, and my ex-husband keeps telling our kids and my parents and other family members all sorts of lies – getting the kids upset and my parents upset.   They don’t know who to believe, and we have been divorced now for well over a year, and he keeps running his mouth and saying bad things about me. (I know this is his “payback” for me divorcing him.)  What can I do about it?  I am sick to death about the lies he is spreading about me! 

Signed –

Fed Up with the “fall-out”

middle aged

Dear Fed Up:

Well, this is a very difficult situation, and I am sure it is very frustrating.  I would keep reinforcing to your kids and your family that “there are two sides to every story” and reinforce the truth, without “bad mouthing” your ex to your family, especially to your kids.  I think over time, the truth will be revealed, but this is one of those things that is going to take some time. I wouldn’t waste time and energy trying to confront your ex-husband directly.  Doing so may actually just reinforce his bad behavior.  Calmly keep reinforcing your truths to your family – I bet over time, this too shall pass, and your family will realize who was telling the truth. Hang in there, his destructive behavior will probably decrease over time, especially if he gets less and less reaction from your kids and your own parents!  

Readers – any suggestions for “fed up with the fallout”?

Thank you for stopping in today!  I invite you to email your questions, problems and “life challenges” directly to me at: lifeainteasystreet@gmail.com   I would love to hear from you!

End of the Rainbow Pot Of Gold

Until next time~

~Clare

 

Author
Clare is a 57-year-old fun loving Italian-American self-proclaimed “Jersey Girl” who believes, “Life ain’t easy street. Life is one of those crazy little city streets, complete with potholes that could swallow your car.” With one foot planted in fun and the other planted firmly in her Christian faith, Clare enjoys making people laugh while helping them navigate life’s “crazy little city streets”. Clare has raised two girls (now grown young adults) with her husband, Michial, Clare is ready to take on the challenges of making new friends through her blog, Life Ain’t Easy Street. With an aim to entertain while addressing topics important to women, Clare’s focus on the positive power of good stories, good friends, inspiring women, and strong faith will have you looking forward to reading the next post. Clare is a freelance writer who lives a real life in Jacksonville Beach, Florida.

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16 Comments

  • Fed Up: It sucks that you are going through that, how frustrating!
    I think that Clare nailed it right on the head, continue to reinforce your truth without bad mouthing and everything will be revealed in time. In the meantime, continue handling the situation gracefully and don’t dignify his childish/attention seeking behavior. <3

    • Clare says:

      Thanks, Lara, and we hope it will pay off for “fed up with the fallout” for taking the high road. We all know how difficult it can be to keep our mouths shut and be graceful, but in a situation like this I believe it’s the best way!

  • Cara says:

    I agree, any direct confrontation would only prove that his childish antics are working in negatively affecting you. Instead, just reiterate to your children and family members that these accusations are not true and there are always two sides to every story. Be the bigger person in not stooping to his level and saying any ill words about him in front of your children, as this will only make the issue grow larger. Hope it gets better for you!

    • Clare says:

      Yes, be the bigger person and not stooping to his level is key- thanks for sharing that! Badmouthing him back to her children and other family and friends I think would just “stir things up” worse and in a bad way! Thanks for your comments and input!

  • kristen says:

    wow, this is really tough. i agree with clare – keep loving your kids and telling them there are two sides. they will learn the truth eventually. keep your head up 🙂

    • Clare says:

      Yes, there are two sides… and eventually the children and other family and friends will see the situation for what it really is… the truth will come out eventually and thanks for that insight! We appreciate it!

  • There is no good answer to this one. Such a hard situation. I feel for the woman in the situation because inevitably someone may believe him. But, the true friends and family will seek to understand and she will know who those people are.

    • Clare says:

      It is such a difficult situation, Heather. But her true family and friends will stick by her side hopefully and eventually the truth will hopefully appear for what it is! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  • lisa says:

    My ex told many lies about me to his family and friends. Luckinly, they had seen enough O my character to question his stories, and so when they approached me, I was able to tell the truth, including my own guilt, and they believed me. I think integrity and ownership are key though. Saying, “Yes, we both made mistakes, and I was not a perfect spouse. We both made mistakes (insert one here – I.e. I was a terrible cook! Or I was clingy and didn’t allow him any time to be himself. Or whatever) but what he has told you about me is not the truth. We can discuss this further, if you feel it is necessary, but I would rather not speak poorly of him, or air dirty laundry.” goes a long way. If you have been a person of character and integrity, and you are known for taking responsibility for your own actions, people will quickly recognize his tactics as a power ploy, or something he is doing to pass blame and make himself look flawless, which usually backfires.

    • Clare says:

      Thanks for sharing your experience, Lisa, and sure sorry you had to go through this! I think like you said integrity is key and such a wonderful point that “recognizing his tactics as a power ploy”! Such truth!

  • Sabrina Fox says:

    This is such a frustrating topic! I’m very sorry you have to face how childish he is after doing what was best for you. I have no advice seeing as I’m not married, but I really hope he sees what he’s doing is emotionally damaging for your children.

  • GiGi Eats says:

    How absolutely devastating! 🙁 I am engaged right now to the love of my life, and I only see a lifelong of fun! 😉 SURE SURE there will be difficulties… But with the proper communication I feel as though we will be able to work through everything.

  • This hurtful situation that your ex-husband has created really speaks to the character of the man you divorced. Truth for him has no value. I would highlight to everyone that this is one of the reasons you two are no longer together. At the same time be very clear to everyone that you will no longer be addressing these subjects because there is nothing positive to be gained by it. Keep your head up high and don’t feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone anymore. The truth will eventually come out, and if somehow it doesn’t you just have to chalk it up to a necessary fall-out that resulted from the need to remove yourself from a bad marriage. You deserve happiness and peace of mind. So give yourself permission to have both!

    • Clare says:

      Such great thoughts and comments, Denay and thanks for sharing… yes to keep her head up high and not explain herself – taking the high road – I believe is the true way to go! Yes, she does deserve happiness and peace! Thanks for stopping in!

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