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Hi Family & Friends. Welcome back to Coffee with Clare on Thursdays!  I am delighted that you are here!

Hi Clare:

I am a shy introvert.  I am 28 years old and started a new career about four months ago, and I live alone in a small apartment in a nice area. I don’t live near nearby as I moved from Vermont to California for my career.  I have trouble making friends I have always been shy, and I think maybe I lack self-confidence.   I have made one good friend, Gabby, but she recently moved an hour away, so now I feel like I am starting from square one.  Any suggestions?

Signed – Shy in Sacramento

 

Dear Shy:

You certainly have had lots of “changes” in your life recently and must give yourself more credit for such a big move away from your family and former life!  It takes time, but start by taking baby steps with co-workers and maybe even neighbors in your apartment complex.  I would start little things such as smile at a co-worker, offer to help your neighbor with something, and start a conversation with someone you know by asking a casual question.

If a co-worker or a neighbor invites you to a social event or an outing – go, go, go!  And, go with confidence.  Dress nicely and act confidently (not arrogantly, of course).  Take pressure off yourself.  Try to start simple conversations – ask someone an “open ended question” such as “How long have you lived in this area”?  “Who do you know at this party”?  

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Compliment someone – if you see a woman with beautiful brown sandals on, tell her you like them!  Remember, it’s not about perfection – none of us are perfect – and people are more tolerant than you think!  Look for people in the group or party who are quieter as they may have similar traits to yours.

Try to remind yourself to start speaking with those around you – just casual friendly conversation and again, smile, and ask people about themselves in a non-threatening way.  It may take a while to see progress, but you may surprise yourself as you start gaining friends.  Think back to when you were growing up and how you made friends in the past…. Or even think back to how you met “Gabby”. 

Go to the library or book stores.  Get out and take a “smaller” class that interests you – such as a cooking class or a photography class.  This will give you a chance to meet people with similar interests. Volunteer at a non-profit.   You can help out, gain some confidence, do something positive, and meet other people who are doing the same thing! 

cooking class

You may want to consider http://www.meetup.com/ as that will get you started with events and what is happening in your area.   

You can do this!  Take baby steps and give yourself some time! Let us know how you do.

Readers – any suggestions for “Shy in Sacramento”?

Thank you for stopping in today!  I invite you to email your questions, problems and “life challenges” directly to me at: lifeainteasystreet@gmail.com   I would love to hear from you!  Please remember, your inquiries and identity remain confidential!

Until next time~

~Clare

Author
Clare is a 57-year-old fun loving Italian-American self-proclaimed “Jersey Girl” who believes, “Life ain’t easy street. Life is one of those crazy little city streets, complete with potholes that could swallow your car.” With one foot planted in fun and the other planted firmly in her Christian faith, Clare enjoys making people laugh while helping them navigate life’s “crazy little city streets”. Clare has raised two girls (now grown young adults) with her husband, Michial, Clare is ready to take on the challenges of making new friends through her blog, Life Ain’t Easy Street. With an aim to entertain while addressing topics important to women, Clare’s focus on the positive power of good stories, good friends, inspiring women, and strong faith will have you looking forward to reading the next post. Clare is a freelance writer who lives a real life in Jacksonville Beach, Florida.

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28 Comments

  • candy says:

    If she is a church attender, I would suggest finding a church. They usually have activities for all ages.

    • Clare says:

      Yes, most churches have singles gatherings or young people’s gatherings and activities – great suggestion!

  • Brandy says:

    I love that you mentioned Meetup – you can go to a different event every night and eventally meet someone you can connect with.

    • Clare says:

      So glad – I hope “Shy” tries “Meetup” – thanks for the confirmation that its a great way to meet people!

  • Lynn says:

    Just remember you have a lot to add to a friendship, and someone(s) are waiting to be blessed by you.

    • Clare says:

      Yes, such truth – for her to remind herself that she is more than worthy to be someone’s friend and she has a lot to offer people! Thanks!

  • Amy Lu says:

    These are great tips, very practical. I used to be shy when I was young, I could have used a list like this. 🙂

  • Karen says:

    Good advice, Clare! I have always been shy, too, and I know that I missed out on many things in my life because of that. Once I realized that I wanted to experience everything that you can in life, I found myself embracing the words of Eleanor Roosevelt – she believed that we should ‘do one thing every day that makes you afraid’ , or uncomfortable. Once you get in the habit of just jumping in and doing whatever that thing is, you find that making friends will just come naturally, and you won’t have much time for sitting by yourself ?

    • Clare says:

      I love this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt “do one thing every day that makes you afraid” – I must try this, too! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Karen, we appreciate it!

  • Great tips, Clare. I, too, was a shy one. Would have loved advice like this!

  • Gunjan says:

    What an interesting post. Loved reading this and I already apply this on myself since I am introvert person. I seem to push myself almost everyday to go out of my comfort zone.

    • Clare says:

      Glad you push yourself a little bit every day to get out of your comfort zone, Gunjan! I must remind myself to do that too! Thanks for sharing!

  • Shann Eva says:

    Great advice. Work is a great place to make friends, and I’ve also had success with Meet-up groups too. Maybe even the gym? I also love the idea of taking a small class. Great advice!

    • Clare says:

      Glad you have success with Meet-up groups – Sure hope “Shy” tries them! Yes, the gym and small groups are great ideas, too! Thanks for this!

  • Tianna says:

    awesome tips! I’m in Southern California if Shy would like to hang out ! 🙂 I can always use more friends in my life ♥

    • Clare says:

      Aw – I sure hope “Shy” sees this,Tianna, and thanks for that…. yes, I know we can always use more friends in our life! Thanks!

  • Jenn says:

    Great tips. I think most of us have moments of shyness and insecurity even if we are generally an outgoing person. It’s always good to remember advice like this. My favorite is your suggestion of “Just go go go!” Kind of like “just do it!” You kind of need to jump in with two feet to get over the fear.

    • Clare says:

      Yes, “just do it” or what Joyce Meyer (Christian speak and author says) “Do it afraid” and I think we have all had to push ourselves at times jumping in and going afraid! Thanks! 🙂

  • Good advice! I struggle with shyness myself, especially when I was younger and just like so many things that are hard to do, sometimes we just have to take the first step. But also be gentle with yourself. Maybe it would be easier to invite one or two coworkers over for a small movie night. That way you are in your own environment and you have control over who you invite. Big crowds can be intimidating. – Amy
    http://www.stylingrannymama.com

    • Clare says:

      Great idea – for “Shy”to invite one or two coworkers over! I think that sounds wonderful and for her to go easy on herself – for sure! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

  • Great points. I’ve used meetup before.

  • Miranda says:

    I suggest church also and remind her that friendship is a two way street.

    • Clare says:

      Yes, church can often be a great way to meet people – especially participating in small groups or singles ministries. Thanks!

  • echoing the others – find a young church that has activities to meet others!

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