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Hi and welcome back to Coffee with Clare every Thursday!   I am delighted that you are here today!

Dear Clare:

I have a 25-year old son, Tommy, who has long since graduated from high school and has virtually done nothing but sit at home.  His older sister, Susan, graduated from college, has a good job and is engaged to be married. Tommy has always been a bit of an introvert and not really a “go getter”. My husband and I have encouraged him to go out and apply for a job (in person, on line and knock on doors) or look into a college or a vocational program – to no avail. He says that he doesn’t want to go to school right now and is looking for a job – but I can tell from our conversations that he is way too picky with the jobs he would consider.

I have repeatedly hounded my husband to take the lead on this as he is the “man of the house”, but Joseph, my husband, doesn’t really do anything about it.  It’s not like we don’t want Tommy to live with us until he gets on his feet, but he is a grownup now, and it is time for him to be a man and be responsible.

Signed – Tommy’s Mommy

young man

Dear Tommy’s Mommy:

I am sure you want Tommy to grow up and be a man, be responsible and hard-working and have a future. For some reason, Tommy is not moving forward, and it looks like your husband isn’t going to really take the initiative.  If you feel like possibly it is an emotional or psychological reason, I would make an appointment for him with a therapist.  If not,  then I would try to find a Pastor, or a male mentor-type role model, and make an appointment for him to meet with this individual.

I have found in my own life, I have also wanted to “jump in” and fix everything for my children or do things for them, but they will never learn to be responsible, make their own mistakes or learn to be independent.   Be sure to tell Tommy he needs to set some goals, find a job, or get into a school program.  Follow up – and do not let him sit around and do nothing.  By enabling Tommy, you are not preparing him for the “real world” and being out on his own.  I would suggest you “draw a line in the sand” and after Tommy seeks professional help, you give him two months to get into a school program and/or find work.  After that, tell him he has to find a way to start paying some room and board or go back to school to further his education and to make a career choice.

Mountain river flowing through the green forest. Stream in the wood.

Readers – any suggestions for “Tommy’s Mommy”?

Thank you for stopping in today!  I invite you to email your questions, problems and “life challenges” directly to me at:   I would love to hear from you and all inquiries do remain anonymous! 

Until next time~



Clare is a 57-year-old fun loving Italian-American self-proclaimed “Jersey Girl” who believes, “Life ain’t easy street. Life is one of those crazy little city streets, complete with potholes that could swallow your car.” With one foot planted in fun and the other planted firmly in her Christian faith, Clare enjoys making people laugh while helping them navigate life’s “crazy little city streets”. Clare has raised two girls (now grown young adults) with her husband, Michial, Clare is ready to take on the challenges of making new friends through her blog, Life Ain’t Easy Street. With an aim to entertain while addressing topics important to women, Clare’s focus on the positive power of good stories, good friends, inspiring women, and strong faith will have you looking forward to reading the next post. Clare is a freelance writer who lives a real life in Jacksonville Beach, Florida.

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