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Coffee With Clare

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Hi and welcome back to Coffee with Clare every Thursday!   

Hi Clare:

I am 25 years old.  My boyfriend, Shawn, and I have been together for 3 years, and we are getting more and more serious.  I do really love him.  My situation is I really don’t like his two best friends, Jeff and Sam.  I don’t know what it is about them, but I just don’t get along with them.  They are annoying, and Shawn always wants to spend time with them.  I know if I move forward into the “next step” of my relationship with Shawn, I am probably stuck for the rest of my life with these two friends.  I just don’t know what to do because I really don’t like their company.  Do you have any ideas?

Signed – Just Not Fond of His Friends in Washington.

Four Young Men

Dear Not Fond of His Friends:

Oh, goodness – I know it is quite frustrating for you to feel “pressured” into hanging around people you don’t care for.  First and foremost, be honest with Shawn (if you haven’t yet) about how you feel, but I wouldn’t expect him to give up his friendships.  And please put yourself in Shawn’s place.  You really wouldn’t want to “give” up your best friends. It is sometimes difficult to remember that we all have friends, relatives, and acquaintances that come with us to a new relationship.  I would suggest a few things:

  • Get to know these two guys better. Make an effort and truly see if you can establish a friendship with them.  It may be that this won’t work, but I think it’s important for you to try.
  • Make sure you spend more time with your own friends. When Shawn asks you to go out with his buddies, some of the time just say you need your “girlfriend” time.  Maintaining time with your friends, and Shawn with his friends, is healthy for both of you.
  • When Shawn wants to go out with the guys and wants you to tag along – invite your friends along, too. At least that way, you have your girlfriends with you, which may be more comfortable for all of you.

Honeymoon couple romantic in love at beach sunset. Newlywed happy young couple embracing enjoying ocean sunset during travel holidays vacation getaway. Interracial couple, Asian woman, Caucasian man.

And I know it’s hard, but if you are going to stay with Shawn, you have to not let this affect your relationship if you want to make it work.  I know that can be hard, but if you truly don’t want to spend time with his friends, you may have to spend more time alone or go out with your girlfriends more to balance all this out.

Readers – any suggestions for “Not Fond of His Friends”?

Thank you for stopping in today!  I invite you to email your questions, problems and “life challenges” directly to me at:  lifeainteasystreet@gmail.com   I would love to hear from you and all inquiries do remain anonymous! 

Until next time~

~Clare

Author
Clare is a 57-year-old fun loving Italian-American self-proclaimed “Jersey Girl” who believes, “Life ain’t easy street. Life is one of those crazy little city streets, complete with potholes that could swallow your car.” With one foot planted in fun and the other planted firmly in her Christian faith, Clare enjoys making people laugh while helping them navigate life’s “crazy little city streets”. Clare has raised two girls (now grown young adults) with her husband, Michial, Clare is ready to take on the challenges of making new friends through her blog, Life Ain’t Easy Street. With an aim to entertain while addressing topics important to women, Clare’s focus on the positive power of good stories, good friends, inspiring women, and strong faith will have you looking forward to reading the next post. Clare is a freelance writer who lives a real life in Jacksonville Beach, Florida.

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10 Comments

  • Candy says:

    Goes both ways at our house or we like one person but not spouse or girlfriend. We don’t hang out as much but just enough. I encourage every couple weeks hubby go do something with guys I don’t have be involved

    • Clare says:

      Thanks Candy – yes for sure this young lady is not alone! Most of us have experienced this type of thing. Yes, I think it’s so important for individuals to get out with their friends and do something!

  • Great advice! Spending time with your own friends is so important. Too often, girls forget about their friends when they are in a relationship.

    • Clare says:

      Thanks Jessica! “Girl time” is so very important – no matter what age. I sure realize that as I get older! It’s just so important! 🙂

  • Valerie says:

    Good advice. It’s my experience if I didn’t like them to start I probably won’t change my mind.

    • Clare says:

      I know, Valerie… it sure is hard to “grow” to like someone when you don’t like them from the start! I sure hope things work out for this young lady… thanks for stopping in! 🙂

  • Mandi says:

    I think this def comes up in most relationships. Great advice to her, if the relationship is worth it, compromise has to be priority.

  • Clare says:

    Yes, Mandi, compromise for sure to make all relationships work! Thanks for helping!

  • Clare, you provided excellent advice for this difficult situation. Here is more advice: People tend to become friends with those who are a reflection of themselves in some way, or those whom they admire. Take a look at what common qualities are shared by your boyfriend and his two best friends. If the specific personality traits they share are awesome, tap into those the next time you’re around them and things may improve. If you don’t like those personality traits, consider that your boyfriend shares those too and how that might impact your future together. Usually guys will not date girls their best guy friends dislike. So at some level you may have gotten those boy’s approval. And if that’s the case, that’s a plus you can work on to expand!

    • Clare says:

      Such wonderful insight! So honest and helpful! We really appreciate it! Common qualities is key – no matter what the outcome is, for sure! Thanks so much for sharing!

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