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I am 25 years old. My boyfriend, Shawn, and I have been together for 3 years, and we are getting more and more serious. I do really love him. My situation is I really don’t like his two best friends, Jeff and Sam. I don’t know what it is about them, but I just don’t get along with them. They are annoying, and Shawn always wants to spend time with them. I know if I move forward into the “next step” of my relationship with Shawn, I am probably stuck for the rest of my life with these two friends. I just don’t know what to do because I really don’t like their company. Do you have any ideas?
Signed – Just Not Fond of His Friends in Washington.
Dear Not Fond of His Friends:
Oh, goodness – I know it is quite frustrating for you to feel “pressured” into hanging around people you don’t care for. First and foremost, be honest with Shawn (if you haven’t yet) about how you feel, but I wouldn’t expect him to give up his friendships. And please put yourself in Shawn’s place. You really wouldn’t want to “give” up your best friends. It is sometimes difficult to remember that we all have friends, relatives, and acquaintances that come with us to a new relationship. I would suggest a few things:
- Get to know these two guys better. Make an effort and truly see if you can establish a friendship with them. It may be that this won’t work, but I think it’s important for you to try.
- Make sure you spend more time with your own friends. When Shawn asks you to go out with his buddies, some of the time just say you need your “girlfriend” time. Maintaining time with your friends, and Shawn with his friends, is healthy for both of you.
- When Shawn wants to go out with the guys and wants you to tag along – invite your friends along, too. At least that way, you have your girlfriends with you, which may be more comfortable for all of you.
And I know it’s hard, but if you are going to stay with Shawn, you have to not let this affect your relationship if you want to make it work. I know that can be hard, but if you truly don’t want to spend time with his friends, you may have to spend more time alone or go out with your girlfriends more to balance all this out.
Readers – any suggestions for “Not Fond of His Friends”?
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