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Coffee With Clare

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Hi and welcome back to Coffee with Clare every Thursday!   

Hi Clare:

Our daughter, Kelly, who is a little shy has almost completed the 9th Grade, and it is now late spring.  She is our “middle” child.  Our oldest boy, Jim, is in the 12th Grade, and Sally, our youngest, is in the 7th Grade.  When Kelly began school this year, her two best friends from middle school, Jackie and Shannon, did not join her in this high school. Jackie moved out of state, and Shannon’s parents enrolled her in a private school.

Kelly is not adjusting well socially in this school.  She is picked on for “being a good girl” and doesn’t want to be involved in drugs, alcohol, sex, and the like.  She finds most of her fellow schoolmates are just immature and quite wild and she doesn’t want to be a part of all that.  Kelly has gotten straight A’s since she was young and is on track for getting her nursing degree.  Kelly knows what she wants and doesn’t want to be bothered by this foolishness.  My husband, Ray, and I are concerned that if she is “left out” at school and doesn’t make some friends she will get bored and become discouraged.  Kelly doesn’t really like to share with us about this situation and wants us to leave it alone. What can we do to help?

Signed –  A little concerned in Connecticut

High School girl taking an standardized achievement test in school.

Dear A Little Concerned:

Kelly sounds like she is truly “well adjusted” and handling the situation on her own quite well.  She sounds like she is a very determined and goal-oriented young person who knows what she wants and will go after it.  Having said that, there is always a concern that she may become “bored” and/or feel a little “down” or alone if she is not making many friends.

Has she tried to join any clubs or school organizations?  That may be a way to go.  This could be one way to meet people with “like interests”, i.e. if she loves Spanish and joins the Spanish Club, or if she loves to write and gets on with the school newspaper.  Also, is Kelly involved with any other non-school organizations outside of school such as youth groups affiliated with a church or another club?  Even if she make friends with kids in non-school activities or organizations, she could at least have a way to become social and active with non-school friends.

And you haven’t mentioned if she has friends in your neighborhood or is still friends with Shannon even though she doesn’t go to the same school.  This would at least give her some social interaction outside of school.

Also, many schools these days require a certain amount of “volunteer hours” for graduation and/or scholarship programs. I wonder if Kelly has volunteered in the community or may be interested in volunteering?  This would be a great way to interact, do something to help others, and also maybe meet some other young people her age.

Does Kelly have any kind of “mentor”, or an aunt or special older woman in her life whom she is close with that she can open up to and “talk to”?  This may help her open up with someone and express how she feels about this situation.

Keep an eye on Kelly and be willing to “listen” if she wants to talk.  It is also possible that Kelly is mature for her age and is just not interested in pursuing other friendships right now.  Similar to adults, teenagers are individuals and not all teens are interested in pursuing new friendships right away.  Encourage her to continue on and work through this situation.  She sounds like she is doing a wonderful job!

portrait of a happy and diverse volunteer group

Readers – any suggestions for “A Little Concerned in Connecticut? Maybe some of you parents have gone through something similar to this or …. You young ladies out there may have had this experience as well?

Thank you for stopping in today!  I invite you to email your questions, problems and “life challenges” directly to me at:   I would love to hear from you and all inquiries do remain anonymous! 

Until next time~




Clare is a 57-year-old fun loving Italian-American self-proclaimed “Jersey Girl” who believes, “Life ain’t easy street. Life is one of those crazy little city streets, complete with potholes that could swallow your car.” With one foot planted in fun and the other planted firmly in her Christian faith, Clare enjoys making people laugh while helping them navigate life’s “crazy little city streets”. Clare has raised two girls (now grown young adults) with her husband, Michial, Clare is ready to take on the challenges of making new friends through her blog, Life Ain’t Easy Street. With an aim to entertain while addressing topics important to women, Clare’s focus on the positive power of good stories, good friends, inspiring women, and strong faith will have you looking forward to reading the next post. Clare is a freelance writer who lives a real life in Jacksonville Beach, Florida.

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  • Heather Hart says:

    One of the best things for kids is to find like-minded friends. It sounds to me like joining a youth group, girls Bible study, or even just a Sunday School class could help her make friends. And chances are, even connect her with kids that go to her school that are in similar situations.

    • Clare says:

      I concur with finding like-minded friends! That is usually the key and we appreciate your stopping by and sharing your helpful tips! Thanks!

  • Andrea says:

    Anything in the church that she could get involved in – sounds like to me that this girl gets it and is on the right track

    • Clare says:

      Yes, so true – it does sound like Kelly is on target for her future and really isn’t that bothered about not having a bunch of “friends” – but she may benefit too from enjoying some time with a youth group, or small groups or volunteering! Thanks!

  • Great questions that you asked Kelly’s mom. As parents we always worry about our kids and sometimes or kids are handling the pressures just fine. Also great advice for her parents to keep an eye on her!

    • Clare says:

      Thanks, Taria! As parents, it’s just so hard sometimes, we never know if what we are doing or choosing to do is the correct way to go. This young gal seems like she is adjusting well to her environment but yes, if the parents keep an eye on her that’s probably the key.

  • Farrah says:

    I think you gave really great advice! Kelly definitely sounds very well-adjusted and I completely agree that clubs, after-school activities and organizations are the way to go–she’ll find people who are interested in the same thing while doing something awesome for the community! 😀

    • Clare says:

      Thanks Farrah and thanks for sharing your thoughts… especially for Kelly to find other teenagers and young people who have the same interests that she does! We appreciate your input and help! 🙂

  • Samantha says:

    I really found myself nodding along to this because a million years ago (not quite that many) I was the girl with the good grades who wanted to be a good girl. Eventually she will find someone just like her, and they’ll be friends forever. I really loved the advice for volunteering and joining extracurricular activities outside of school. Great advice, Clare!

    • Clare says:

      Samantha, what an encouraging testimony of your similar journey – this should give this young girl and her family some hope and inspiration! I appreciate your stopping by and sharing this – because this really helps! blessings!

  • Clare, you offered excellent advice! I would encourage this young student to get involved in extracurricular activities. And now that she is entering sophomore year, I would check with the school district and local community college to inquire about programs are available to high school students. This will help two-fold. She will be accumulating college credits which will move her closer to her nursing degree AND provide an additional social and academic outlet for this very bright and mature student. With that said, if the social situation at her current high school does not improve, I would have her tour other local high schools and discuss a potential switch. Because socialization with peers during high school is very important in the development of a well-rounded person.

    • Clare says:

      Such wonderful thoughts – classes where she earns college credits! That is great – here in Florida my girls took some of these classes. Also, I concur if it turns out a year from now Kelly cannot really make friends and it is bothering her, she may want to getting information and checking out other local high schools! Thanks for these great tips!

  • Dorothy Thrower says:

    Recently I went to a high school graduation the first since the 80’s to honor a friend I met when he was 5 yrs old I volunteered for hospice and was a companion to his sister who was 10 and had a terminal muscular disease . She passed at 19. He was valedictorian of his class. Nobody knew the topic of his speech . He thanked his parents and teachers and then honored the life of his sister as his inspiration to become a doctor. Her courage to endure and the many doctors who cared for her. He poured himself into his studies and graduated with 2 yrs of college and was selected by a top medical school. His friends were students of like mind , many from other schools. I am so excited when I hear of anyone seeking nursing degree. That was. My dream but no finances from family were available. It was $200. to attend a four yr school at hospital. Please hang in there God will help you fulfill your dream. The medical field has soooo many opportunities. Real friends will appear Blessings

  • Clare says:

    What a wonderful testimony of how one young student went on to have a fulfilling career and life despite many obstacles! Thanks Dorothy for sharing this – I sure hope Kelly and her family come back to read this! This story of your old classmate is so inspirational – to all of us! I am thrilled you shared this young man’s journey!

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