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Hi and welcome back to Coffee with Clare every Thursday!   Do you have a big or “small” problem or question that you need help with?  We are here to help!  I am glad you stopped in today! 

Hi Clare:

I am in my early 30’s, and I just went back to work after my husband, Troy, and I had our first baby, Anna.  I ended up taking 6 months off without pay, and it was wonderful!  Troy and I knew I would be working again, and I just went back to work 2 months ago, and I am going nuts!  Troy doesn’t help me enough, and I am afraid he really got used to me doing everything around the house while I was home after Anna was born.

When I get home from work, I scramble to breastfeed the baby, make dinner, do dishes, give Anna a bath, and get clothes ready for the next day.  When I was home after the baby, I didn’t ask much of Troy when it came to helping me.  I guess I figured that would come naturally after I went back to work.  Oh sure, he will change a diaper and hold the baby while I am doing dishes or getting in the shower, and he will go with me to the grocery store and run errands on the weekends, but that’s about it.  We have talked about this, and he just isn’t getting it.  I am completely exhausted. Troy thinks because he gets home later than I do from work, he shouldn’t have to do anything when he gets home.  Help!  We keep arguing over this, and I am just getting burned out fast.  I feel like by the time Anna turns 1, I will feel like I am 60 years old!

Signed –

“Just Can’t Do it All in Columbus”

mombaby

Dear Just Can’t Do it All:

I know you feel like you are “alone” but you are not.  Lots of women today, and in years past, go through this.  I think getting this resolved is a step by step process and a journey.  As new parents, both you and Troy are going to need to change and give up some of your normal comforts and routines.  Obviously, you have already stepped up, and it may be Troy just doesn’t really know what to do or how he is supposed to help.

I would suggest:

  • Sitting down and having a heart to heart talk about what is bothering you and where you are struggling. Parenting takes two people, and you need more help from Troy!  He is not “off duty” when he gets home at night even though he has left work…. You simply can’t do it all.  Ask him if he would be willing to talk about sharing the duties at home.  Let him know you are mentally and physically exhausted.
  • Making a weekly “to do” list and posting it on the refrigerator. Maybe Troy can do the dishes three times a week, vacuum on Saturday mornings, and cook every other week.  Ask him for suggestions with the areas he would like to help out with.
  • Talking about giving each other a break. I think if you two could get a sitter, and get out at least twice a month with just the two of you, it may help you both recharge and relax. Even just for two hours – a simple stroll through a nature path, a movie, or a cup of coffee.
  • Connecting with your friends. You should separately be getting some “girl” time with your friends at least once a month because you need the support and fun with your friends! Troy should be getting a “boys’ night” as well.

While I would not say this is easy, you can get through this!  Having a wonderful little addition to the family is an adjustment, so I would suggest you give it time.

If nothing seems to work, consider seeking the help of a family counselor, therapist or church pastor.  These professionals may be able to help you and Troy talk this through while being objective.  The professional may also help you and Troy to better understand each other’s needs.

Beth.1

Readers – any suggestions for “Just Can’t Do it All”?

Thank you for stopping in today!  I invite you to email your questions, problems and “life challenges” directly to me at:  lifeainteasystreet@gmail.com   I would love to hear from you!  Please remember, your inquiries and identity remain confidential!

Until next time~

~Clare

 

Author
Clare is a 57-year-old fun loving Italian-American self-proclaimed “Jersey Girl” who believes, “Life ain’t easy street. Life is one of those crazy little city streets, complete with potholes that could swallow your car.” With one foot planted in fun and the other planted firmly in her Christian faith, Clare enjoys making people laugh while helping them navigate life’s “crazy little city streets”. Clare has raised two girls (now grown young adults) with her husband, Michial, Clare is ready to take on the challenges of making new friends through her blog, Life Ain’t Easy Street. With an aim to entertain while addressing topics important to women, Clare’s focus on the positive power of good stories, good friends, inspiring women, and strong faith will have you looking forward to reading the next post. Clare is a freelance writer who lives a real life in Jacksonville Beach, Florida.

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18 Comments

  • candy says:

    Time to have a sit down heart to heart with hubby. He might not realize the stress of getting everything done plus taking care of a baby.

    • Clare says:

      I agree – they must talk about this and she needs to be honest so that he understands! Thanks for sharing!

  • Bette says:

    This is such a hard time for new young parents. Communication is key.

    • Clare says:

      I so agree, Bette. It is a difficult transition for a young mother with a young child… especially after going back to work and trying to juggle it all. Communication is so important. Thanks!

  • Heidi says:

    I agree with Bette. It’s a hard time. Keep the lines of communication open, if you can. And, pray a lot! <3

  • Yvette Lewis says:

    I agree this is so hard! I takes a lot of communication and I agree with the tip of being as specific as possible with husbands on what you want them to do. Many times they just don’t know, but if you give them a daily list, they are willing to get it done! Don’t forget praying with and for each other. It’s a great way to know each other’s hearts and share each other’s burdens by carrying them to God in prayer.

    • Clare says:

      Being very specific – yes so true. And praying for each other and with each other – thanks for sharing that important tip!

  • Julie says:

    I think it’s always hard as new parents, to try and figure out the roles. Keep open communication. I can’t relate to working, but hugs mama, you CAN do this.

    • Clare says:

      It is so very challenging just being new parents – let alone all the other responsibilities! Keeping communication open – so true!

  • Elle says:

    Thank you for the post 🙂 I will be having my first child in December and I can only imagine what I will be getting myself into turning into a parent! haha

    • Clare says:

      It will be wonderful! Congratulations! You are going to be entering into such a wonderful time in your life! I have raised two beautiful young ladies… they are the joy of my life! It will be amazing!

  • Chelsea says:

    Exactly what was said above…time to open those communication lines!! Hoping everything goes well. Xo

  • Lovely post with a lot of great insight all around that I can agree with. Getting a degree in psych definitely helped open my eyes to expressing how I feel and opening communication lines! xx Adaleta Avdic

    • Clare says:

      Wow – well you definitely have the background and education for knowing how important communication is in a relationship! Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  • Love these tips! It’s so important to take care of you first, and there’s no shame in reaching out or getting help 🙂

    • Clare says:

      So true, reaching out and getting help…. before this young mother feels like she is going under quickly! She must have a little free and me time, for sure! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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