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Dear Clare:

My name is April, and I am 28 years old.  My boyfriend of two years, Jared, is 30 and just took a position in New York City.  We currently live in San Diego, California. Jared is in advertising, and this is quite a good move for him professionally. I have a great job in sales and marketing here in California, and most of my family is here.  I love southern California.  Jared and I are trying to figure out what to do – can we survive a long distance relationship?

Signed “Scared in San Diego”

couple

Dear Scared:

This is challenging, and I know you must be concerned about how and if this can work. The bottom line, I think, is whether or not you two are really in a “committed” relationship, and what you think the “next steps should be.”  I think it is possible to make this work if you both “commit” to making it work at least for a certain “trial” time period, maybe like 9 months to 12 months.  At the end of the trial period, sit down and readdress your situation.

I think you two would certainly have to keep the lines of communication open about how you feel, what your challenges are, and how you are individually dealing with this long distance relationship along the way.

Make the most of your time together!  Can you two afford to see each other for a long weekend once every 1 or 2 months?  I hope so, otherwise that is really hard to have to go months without having time together.

See how you feel after several months of being separated, and evaluate how this is working for the both of you.  Again, I would set a timetable of maybe 9 to 12 months down the line to seriously readdress what direction your relationship is going in and if you are interested in continuing like this or whether you both think changes need to be made.

At some point, if you are going to be together with a future together as a couple, then this will probably mean one of you is going to have to relocate!  I think this will have to be a conversation at some point in the future if you and Troy stay together.

As a side note, many, many years ago (yeah – I’m pretty old) J my then boyfriend, Mike, now husband, and I did the long-distance relationship.  I met him while stationed in the Navy at Roosevelt Roads, Puerto Rico.  He had another year in the Navy, and after my enlistment, I went back to the States.  Shortly after he got out of the Navy, we got married … and we are still together!  But again, it really is just about what you want for your future – together or not?  Only you two can decide this.

han4.flow

Readers – any suggestions for “Scared in San Diego”?

Thank you for stopping in today!  I invite you to email your questions, problems and “life challenges” directly to me at:  lifeainteasystreet@gmail.com   I would love to hear from you!  Please remember, your inquiries and identity remain confidential!

Until next time~

~Clare

 

Author
Clare is a 57-year-old fun loving Italian-American self-proclaimed “Jersey Girl” who believes, “Life ain’t easy street. Life is one of those crazy little city streets, complete with potholes that could swallow your car.” With one foot planted in fun and the other planted firmly in her Christian faith, Clare enjoys making people laugh while helping them navigate life’s “crazy little city streets”. Clare has raised two girls (now grown young adults) with her husband, Michial, Clare is ready to take on the challenges of making new friends through her blog, Life Ain’t Easy Street. With an aim to entertain while addressing topics important to women, Clare’s focus on the positive power of good stories, good friends, inspiring women, and strong faith will have you looking forward to reading the next post. Clare is a freelance writer who lives a real life in Jacksonville Beach, Florida.

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16 Comments

  • candy says:

    My husband and I put off our wedding for a year while he did a remote tour while in the Air Force. Only contact we had were letters. We have been married for 34 years.

  • The Oracle says:

    Oh wow! You give some very good advice. Keep up the good work

  • linda spiker says:

    A long distance relationship is very challenging. In my experience few survive, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go for it! I have seen it work.

    • Clare says:

      Long distance relationships really are challenging…. so it depends of course on what these two decide to do – commitment wise – I appreciate your sharing!

  • Karen says:

    Definitely a trial is in order, but not too long. Also, you should never give up on your own personal goals just because you are afraid of being on your own. If you put your life on hold, one day you will regret it and possibly resent the person who caused you to do it.

    • Clare says:

      Yes, truly a trial and challenging commitment and I love that you shared she should never put her own life and goals on hold! None of us wants regrets! Thanks for sharing!

  • Valerie says:

    You gave excellent advice. Too bad he can’t find a better job in Cali.

    • Clare says:

      Yes, that would be another option, too – Jared could really try to see if he can find another position back in California…. thanks!

  • Abby says:

    My husband and I did two years long distance after he was in the US as a foreign exchange student. We have now been married almost nine years! Long distance can work!

    • Clare says:

      Thanks for sharing, Abby! Yes, long distance relationships can indeed work – you are proof! It just depends on the couple and what they want for their future.

  • Julie says:

    My husband and I were together for almost a year long distance, before we got married. It’s hard but definitely do-able. I would set a time limit for sure though, it would be hard to not know how long you have to do that for.

    • Clare says:

      I so agree Julie – a time limit is a must…. because one person could be “hanging on” forever without clear cut limitations and the same goals! Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  • What a nice post, and I do think being a couple for a while means at some point you may relocate. My boyfriend of many years & I are talking about where we would go when and if we moved elsewhere! xx Adaleta Avdic

    • Clare says:

      Right – relocating to the same location together at some point…. I think would probably be best if the commitment is there and that’s what this couple want to both do! Thanks for sharing!

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