My name is April, and I am 28 years old. My boyfriend of two years, Jared, is 30 and just took a position in New York City. We currently live in San Diego, California. Jared is in advertising, and this is quite a good move for him professionally. I have a great job in sales and marketing here in California, and most of my family is here. I love southern California. Jared and I are trying to figure out what to do – can we survive a long distance relationship?
Signed “Scared in San Diego”
This is challenging, and I know you must be concerned about how and if this can work. The bottom line, I think, is whether or not you two are really in a “committed” relationship, and what you think the “next steps should be.” I think it is possible to make this work if you both “commit” to making it work at least for a certain “trial” time period, maybe like 9 months to 12 months. At the end of the trial period, sit down and readdress your situation.
I think you two would certainly have to keep the lines of communication open about how you feel, what your challenges are, and how you are individually dealing with this long distance relationship along the way.
Make the most of your time together! Can you two afford to see each other for a long weekend once every 1 or 2 months? I hope so, otherwise that is really hard to have to go months without having time together.
See how you feel after several months of being separated, and evaluate how this is working for the both of you. Again, I would set a timetable of maybe 9 to 12 months down the line to seriously readdress what direction your relationship is going in and if you are interested in continuing like this or whether you both think changes need to be made.
At some point, if you are going to be together with a future together as a couple, then this will probably mean one of you is going to have to relocate! I think this will have to be a conversation at some point in the future if you and Troy stay together.
As a side note, many, many years ago (yeah – I’m pretty old) J my then boyfriend, Mike, now husband, and I did the long-distance relationship. I met him while stationed in the Navy at Roosevelt Roads, Puerto Rico. He had another year in the Navy, and after my enlistment, I went back to the States. Shortly after he got out of the Navy, we got married … and we are still together! But again, it really is just about what you want for your future – together or not? Only you two can decide this.
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