I am a 42 year old woman and my best friend, June, and I have daughters that are 15 year old sophomores who have become close friends over the past two years. My concern is June’s daughter, Kristy, seems to be a little “wilder” (to say the least) than my own daughter, Mary. I am concerned because Kristy has been caught ditching school, and June also advised me that her straight A-B daughter is now getting C’s and some D’s. Also, I have heard it through the grapevine, through other friends of ours, that Kristy engages in drug activity – to what extent I am not sure. I am afraid that too much of Kristy is going to be a bad thing for my own daughter. Plus, I don’t want to insult my own friend and hurt her feelings by trying to get the kids to not hang out as much. What do you suggest?
Concerned Mom in Cleveland
You haven’t said what effects, if any, Kristy is having on your own daughter, Mary. I would keep the lines of communication open with your own daughter and trust her judgment – until you have a reason not to. But try to temper this with setting clear boundaries about what you expect from Mary and what the rules are, without overdoing it. Again, keeping open communication with Mary is key.
Mary is going to want to make decisions on her own, and I am sure she is probably beginning to already, too. You may want to have her and Kristy hang out at your own home as much as possible to try to keep tabs on them – invite them to have their other friends over when you can. I raised two daughters myself – and I can promise you I didn’t always know what they were doing, but we had a houseful of young people at our home more times than not, and at least I knew where my kids were. If you see some changes in your own daughter that appear to be troublesome, then you will probably have to take a stronger stance, such as limiting her activities, monitoring her more, and possibly talking with the school counselor to see if these changes are also happening at school.
In addition, I would not mention any concerns with June just yet because it may come off as “judgmental” or a case of “my kid is better than yours”, and you don’t want to jeopardize your friendship. And, at this point, what you may be hearing from your other friends is just “hearsay”, and you are not sure that Kristy is indeed into drugs. So keep an eye on your own daughter for now. When Kristy does come over, see what develops and whether she is behaving any differently (often some of the first signs of drug use are changes in behavior). This is going to be one of those day by day, week by week, situations.
I hope this works out well, and I sincerely hope your daughter, Mary, along with Kristy, makes wise decisions.
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