Men’s Recreational Items: As they get older, men don’t ever give up their “toys” – the toys just simply cost more – guns, fishing equipment, video games, sporting equipment, and the list goes on. The garage is so packed with 20 year old DVD’s he hasn’t watched in 10 years, old tires for his truck he sold three years ago, and two broken fishing rods; you can’t even get through the door to get to the freezer. But these are things… things he claims he absolutely can’t live without.
Women’s Recreational Items: Maybe a tennis racquet or several books and an I-Pad.
The difference between men and women? Really, I NEVER NOTICED!!!
How about, getting ready to go out.
This is what a woman’s bathroom and makeup area looks like:
A Woman Getting Ready: A woman showers for 45 minutes, puts on her makeup, listens to music, texts a friend, continues with makeup, texts another friend, starts to blow dry her hair, texts other friends, checks her Facebook status multiple times, irons her hair – 90 minutes later, she takes 5 “selfies” and posts them on Instagram. She next checks her overstuffed closet and pulls out five different outfits and spends the next 30 minutes trying each one on. She goes to the mirror each time, snaps another “selfie” or two and then goes back … finally getting dressed.
Time for whole process: 2.5 to 3 hours or even more!
This is what a man’s bathroom looks like:
Man getting ready: A man showers, shaves, puts on deodorant (after lifting his arms and smelling his armpits … although I have no idea why a man would do that if he just showered and is going to put on deodorant) and pulls out something in his closet, smells it – if it doesn’t smell like it’s been run over by a truck or road kill – and it has no noticeable fresh food stains, man determines the clothes are clean enough to wear, and he puts on the clothes.
Time for whole process: 10 – 15 minutes!
Woman’s Conversation After Getting Home from Work (while man is hypnotized by the TV):
Woman: “I had the best day! Work was good, and I went out to lunch with Susan. We ate at that new restaurant on Third Street called “Bennie’s Seafood” – had great fried shrimp. Then after work, I ran to the grocery store and picked up stuff to make stir fry. After that, I went to Marshall’s because they had a special sale, and I bought these two shirts. I also found these white sandals I have been looking for. And, guess what? They were marked down 40%!!!!! While I was at Marshall’s, I ran into Julie – did you know she has lost 20 pounds? Wow she looks great. And, she told me Jan is pregnant and is due in June! So glad to hear that – I have to call Jan later tonight and congratulate her.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Woman: “And on the way home, I saw a herd of elephants trample several cars on First Street. And then I spotted some giraffes and bears and tigers following behind the elephants. Do you think they escaped from Africa? I hope they catch them, and I hope no one gets hurt.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Woman: “Have you even heard a word I said?”
Man: “Of course… you will be making stir fry in a few minutes. Hurry up, would you? I’m starved!”
And so it goes…..
Woman’s Idea of Shopping: Going to the outlet malls with her two “besties” to get those shoes that are marked off 30%. She found a coupon on line for 40% off at Dillard’s so they run to a second mall. Maybe she can get a new outfit for that party that’s coming up in a week. They go into store after store, try on multiple shoes and outfits, buy a few things, they stop for lunch, take “selfies” and come home.
Time Shopping: 3 – 4 hours … minimum.
Man’s Idea of Shopping: Going to Academy Sports to get that new fishing rod, or Home Depot because he saw an ad for that new toolbox for his truck.
Time Shopping: 30 minutes – max … including travel in his “manly” truck.
A Woman’s Planner: Filled with dates and times of shopping events, baby showers, date nights, a wedding in Orlando coming up two weeks from Saturday, girls’ night this Wednesday at 7:00 p.m. On the side of her planner is written in: “To Do List” with several tasks for the week.
A Man’s Planner: A man’s planner???? You have got to be kidding me! He has no idea where he is going or when. Just give him five minute’s notice and point him in the right direction.
Woman: “Okay we have Carrie’s birthday party tomorrow over at Joe’s house. It’s at 2:00 p.m. I am running out now to find her a birthday present.”
Man: “Really – I was going to meet the guys at this new place in town for a few beers tomorrow. Do you really need me to go? How old is Carrie this year anyway? Is she turning 8?” (She is actually turning 13 years old.)
Women after watching a sad love story on TV.
Men after watching the same sad love story.
Woman tells her husband she is going to the store to pick up items for dinner. She runs to Publix, gets fresh chicken breasts, lettuce and all the makings for a good salad – cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes, etc. She buys fresh squash and then realizes she has 30 other items she needs for the week also – milk, bread, eggs, meat and vegetables for later in the week so she takes the time to grab those items, too.
Time at Store: 45 minutes … maybe an hour.
Man goes to the store to pick up the makings for dinner: Frozen pizza, chips and dip…. more dip – a different kind because he sees it’s “two for one”, vodka, beer, Chocolate Chip ice cream, Reese’s peanut butter cups … and diet coke.
Husband walks through the door and says, “Honey I’m home, and I have dinner…. Plus I bought Diet Coke because I know you are trying to lose weight.”
Women’s Routine with Her Children at Night: She gives them a bath, before she helps them brush their teeth. After reading a story to both her 3 and 5 year old daughters, she tucks them into bed and prays over them.
Man Watching His Children While Wife is Out: Elizabeth (age 5) wants to play with Play Dough and has it all over the carpet. Sarah (age 3) has crayons out while Dad thinks she is sitting on the table with a coloring book. She already ate half of the orange crayon and has started eating the purple one. Much to his dismay, Sarah has then started scribbling on the wall in the kitchen with her red, then black crayons. The TV is blasting because with the kids playing at the table, Dad can’t hear the game against Michigan, so he keeps turning up the volume. When the game is over, he looks up – it is now 10:30 p.m. – both kids are sound asleep sprawled out on the living room floor with play dough and crayons smeared all over their faces and clothes. He picks the children up “as is” and drops them in their beds. In a panic he has to figure out how to remove the crayon marks smeared all over the wall – he Googles it, then texts his best friend…to no avail. His wife will be home in 20 minutes. He is really panicked now! You already know the end of this story.
“A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.”
“There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.”
And I know YOU have a few choice stories of your own, too! Oh please, let’s poke fun – get a few chuckles and enjoy the moment! You know, it’s not really all that bad!
And in case you are wondering, there is a reason that God created man, Adam, first, and then created woman, Eve:
“God, being a true artist, created woman 2nd because everyone knows you should always create a rough drafted before your final masterpiece!” – Author Unknown